Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
