Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
