the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
