shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
