Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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