I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Text me some of your sweat
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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