I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
3pm strippers are depressing
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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