it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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