Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
