I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
