He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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