That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm like, not good at living.
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