Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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