Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
