Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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