i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
