Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
