And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
