I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
