the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
