I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize