dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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