I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
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Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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