If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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