3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
