Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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