the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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