i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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