I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Randomize
