Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
