I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
