my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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