Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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