i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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