you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
