The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
