When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
