Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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