According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
