You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.