hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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