I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
