On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
