and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
