At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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