I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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