My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
