Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Drake has all the answers
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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