I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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