how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
