I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When are your genitals available?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
