garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
