If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
