i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm too high and old for this...
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