I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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