Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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