How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
