I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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