Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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