How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
