If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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