Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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