Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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