Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
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i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
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My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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