new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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