would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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