he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
