how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
