put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
