i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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