I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
