gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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