We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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