Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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