Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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