Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
