It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
