Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
