Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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