I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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