He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
