guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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