Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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